drabblememe for petronelle, Bart and adolescense, gen.

[jamjar]

He talks to Kon mostly, at first, before he realises that that's a mistake. Kon never got to experience most of this stuff- he went from tube to girlfriend, practically, bypassing zits and wet-dreams completely. Kon's good to talk to about some stuff, detailed stuff, and all the non-twentieth-century standard stuff, but not about the awkward bits.

Kon doesn't blink an eye when you say that you think it's hot when a girl has more than four limbs, or that you think the alien with the scales and not-exactly-tails is flirting with you and you maybe want to flirt back, but--

Kon's good with that stuff, and with understanding when you say you just want to flirt because you have a girlfriend and you haven't talked about this with her yet and you're worried because you know about stuff from books, but not exactly what to do and how far to go and--

Kon's really good with that, but he really sucks at talking about all the stages up to that. He gets this look that's mostly relieved and also a little left out, like he's deeply, deeply grateful for having skipped it, but also kind of not, because it's just another reminded of what he's not, and never will be.
Tim would be good, except he's Tim and he's only normal by observation. Bart can hear Wally pretty clearly, saying, "Never, and I mean never, ask anyone from Gotham for advice on healthy relationships. It doesn't matter how good the advice is, you don't ask a blind man for help picking out a tie, okay Bart?" and he doesn't exactly disagree.

Plus, it's Tim, and even if he will talk about a lot more stuff these days, there's still things you don't want to ask him about. Not because he won't talk about them, but because he will, for you, and it hurts him. He's good at stuff like how to talk to Carol when it feels like years of distance since they met, and how to wash sheets and hide that you've been looking at porn online. He's good at saying things that make you feel –not normal, but okay, good, but it breaks Bart's brain a little, because it's Tim saying this and it's *Tim* saying this.

The best thing about Tim is that he tells him stuff that he's heard from Nightwing about Wally, and that's really good at making Bart feel better.


Cissie is really good for most of the stuff, even though she's a girl. She knows things, like that you don't squeeze spots, you put your head over steamy water to open up the pores, and then you kind of pull the skin either side. She knows that it's incredibly awkward when someone you were perfectly fine talking to a moment before suddenly -ping!- gets a reaction from you that neither of you want, and she says things like, "It's not like you're really related," and "It's pretty normal to crush on someone like that." and "There's nothing wrong with thinking your friends are hot, as long as you're not, like, stealing their underwear to-- oh Bart. Do you at least clean it when you take it back?"

It's useless to talk to Wally about most of this stuff. It's not just that it's embarrassing sometimes and (he had a dream about Linda! Linda! And yeah, she's cool and pretty and way, way better than Wally deserves, but it's Linda and--) hard to talk about, but… Well, Wally doesn't know what accelerated adolescence is like, not really, even if he says he does, because it's different for Bart and he's not like Wally and Wally thinks he understands and really doesn't and that's just…
Well, it just makes it har-- more difficult. That's all.

Gar is pretty understanding in general terms, if not specific. Linda is good at not-talking until just the right moment to say something important like, "I'm breaking out the good chocolate." Vic is *really* good at not-talking, there's Kory and even Jay and he can usually find someone to talk to about most things even if they don't get everything...

"Bart, you should read this book. It's totally what you were--"

"Nah, that doesn't matter, because it's always different even if they're the same species and--"

"That's why Wally wasn't allowed back into--"

"Ice-cream'll make it better."

"Sometimes people change, but it doesn't mean--"

"They always say that, but thinking of baseball never worked for me. I mean, have you ever really looked at a bat?"

"Happens to the best of us, man, just--"

"It's not like they're that different."



...it'd just be more convenient if they were all in the same person.